Today is the first day of February; I just had a breakdown. The what-ifs got to me. What if I don’t love the trail? What if I can’t? What I’m not good enough to finish? What if…what if. I was crying and struggling with the facts of maybe not completing the dream I had for the last five-ish years. My mom told me, “WHAT IF you love it? WHAT IF there are no problems? WHAT IF we feel down, and cheer each other up by having a ‘who can be the most stinky’ challenge?”
Not related to breaking down, but the other day we ordered our sleeping mats, the last final major piece of gear we still needed. We went to L.L. Bean and tried out all the sleeping mats there, until finally we settled on an ultralight Sea to Summit one. That was a good experience. I felt relieved that this gear shopping was out of the way, and I felt this with anticipation that our hike is coming right up. I also felt excitement for the upcoming adventure. I can’t wait, and I know the What-Ifs are going to be shoved in my boots and have to deal with my stinky feet so they will die, even though in the beginning they might make my feet hurt.